Loving Conflict
Sadly, one of the things Christians are best known for is conflict. Sometimes we disagree with and get angry with each other. Frequently there’s disagreement with and anger towards the surrounding culture. Sometimes (rarely) we disagree and get angry with ourselves. Disagreement is an inevitable part of human existence, it’s ok and even good. Diversity adds beauty to the world. The Apostle Paul explains how to handle disagreements in Romans 14. When there is not a clear biblical directive, we allow freedom, even if we don’t agree with someone. We are forbidden to condemn or despise each other for holding different opinions or taking different courses of action than what we might prefer. Conflict is good as well. Sometimes there needs to be confrontation over an issue. If someone is in danger (e.g., from their sin), then the loving thing to do is to confront them and seek to help them. So there’s a place for loving conflict (where loving is an adjective). The problem is that so many of us are loving conflict (where loving is a verb).
Derek Webb‘s song, Cobra Con, gets at the heart of the issue.
You wanna rock with the cops on the front line
You wanna kick it with the people in the back
You strike a match and you throw back a cocktail
There’s got to be a better way
(Chorus)
It is harder to stay
It is harder to wait
To out-love, to out-suffer them
I wanna dream up a world I wanna live in
I wanna spray it on a building downtown
I wanna protest with patience and a paycheck
‘Cause there’s got to be a better way
(Chorus)
Don’t wanna wait
No drugs or sleep
I wanna hold your hand grenade
God bless these bombs
Baptize this rope
Lie with us in the bed we’ve made
So often we approach conflict in terms of a war, throwing bombs, pulling others down (or up) with ropes, and invoking God to bless our cause and agenda (which we should never assume is identical to his). But our call is to outlove and out-suffer the people with whom we disagree. When you’re attacked, and you will be, remember this call. God shows himself to us not as a conquering power, but as a man who suffered abuse and was unjustly killed. He didn’t defend himself. And because he didn’t, we are reconciled to God. We don’t have to attack others and assert our superiority, because we’re saved by Jesus, not ourselves. We HAVE NO superiority. And we don’t have to defend ourselves when we are attacked. God will defend us if we need defended. And even if injustice is done to us in this life, Jesus’ cross and resurrection assure that all wrongs will one day be set right.
So as we face inevitable disagreements and conflicts, let’s look to the one who settled our greatest conflict (the one we had with God), and who calls us to bear with and love those with whom we disagree.
Another great read! I think that the more we grasp that personal sanctification is being worked out in us as we face disagreements within the body, the more we appreciate them and can disagree to the glory of God. When it’s not an issue of Biblical right or wrong, learning to humble ourselves and our opinions for the sake of God, who reconciled us together in Christ, conforms us to Christ-like humility and love.
Marriage is a perfect example of dealing with disagreements to the glory of God. What great boast of pride we have when we feel entitled to our way that focuses on the immediate situation rather than on God’s way who’s focus is His glory in our sanctification and mutual love and humility!